EXPOSE | Cultivation yields beauty
“For a husband is a man who practices husbandry, or cultivation. Like a master gardener, his job is to so nurture and tend to his wife that she brings forth flowers.” – Scott Hubbard, Editor at desiringgod.org
EXPLORE | The long view of a Proverbs 31 man
Hubbard’s quote is taken from his article The Proverbs 31 Man, which, is an intriguing perspective to have on this chapter in Proverbs. You, like me, may have been more familiar with Proverbs 31 largely referring to the characteristics of a godly woman. In fact, this chapter in Proverbs inspired my wife to name her life coaching business after Proverbs 31.
When you skip past the first 10 verses of the chapter, you do land on the list of characteristics describing “the woman who fears the Lord.” It provides an outline for any godly man of what to look for in a potential wife: “strength and dignity are her clothing” (v. 25), “she opens her mouth with wisdom” (v. 26), “she looks well to the ways of her household” (v. 27) to name just a few.
But when looking at this chapter specifically, we need to keep in view that there are 30 chapters leading up to this point. Chapter after chapter in the Book of Proverbs talks of fearing the Lord, leaning not on our own understanding, listening to instruction, and rejecting the ways of fools, scoffers, and sluggards.
“Now more than ever, what we really need are godly men: men who know and harness their role, gifts and influence for good. Bottom line is that a lot of men have let down their guard, given up ground to the evil one and/or stepped out of the fight. What they need is to first understand their role and significance in this journey called life and to step up and get back into the fight. Strong men are the walls and gatekeepers for the family.”
Dr. Tim Clinton, president of the American Association of Christian Counselors and author of Take it Back
Proverbs 31 begins with an added instruction for sons to maintain self-control so as to not be unduly influenced. The role they are to play will require them to stand boldly, speak efficaciously, and judge righteously. These first 10 verses of Proverbs 31, coupled with the previous 30 chapters, not only make up the essence of what the Proverbs 31 woman requires in her husband, it is the bedrock of what is required to be a man.
EXECUTE | We all are to be a Proverbs 31 man
In order to be a “Proverbs 31 Man”, we must become a “Proverbs Man”. You can’t be one without the other. No man intending to be married can suddenly become a Proverbs 31 man, and a Proverbs Man will naturally reveal himself to be the kind of spouse a Proverbs 31 woman desires. In this way, we become a Proverbs 31 man married or not.
Become a Proverbs Man
Making this commitment broadens our application of being a Proverbs 31 man. It opens us up to consider how we impact all our relationships with women, whether or not God calls us to be married. We can start by focusing on the first 30 chapters of Proverbs. In his book, Upgrade: 10 Secrets to the Best Education for Your Child, Kevin Swanson identifies nine major themes in the book of Proverbs. These nine themes, or principles as he refers to them, serve as an outline for our approach to understanding and applying Proverbs:
- the principle of the tongue and of the truth
- the principle of hard work
- the principle of self-control and avoiding temptation
- the principle of conflict resolution and getting along with others
- the principle of fearing God
- the principle of receiving reproof and respecting authority
- the principle of trusting God
- the principle of humility
- the principle of the virtuous spouse
Are you able to articulate each principle and point to an example in your life?
Be a man for a woman
A true man is for a woman. God has intended for a man to be what a woman needs in a spouse, but in addition to that, a true man is to be pro-woman in that he supports and encourages a woman onto godliness. Scott Hubbard draws out three distinctions of a Proverbs 31 man that should be true of us regardless of whether or not we are married. As you’ll see from what Hubbard highlights, you don’t have to have a wife to be a man for a woman:
- He trusts her (v. 11 ) – she is trustworthy because she is a woman that fears the Lord; equally true is how you can communicate that a person needs to fear the Lord to warrant such trust.
- He values her strength (v. 17) – respect and admire her strength for the way she handles her home, conducts business, and views the future.
- He praises her (v. 28) – publicly and privately, we should encourage and affirm godly character.
Reclaim masculinity
We can see how the lack of awareness and/or commitment to biblical truth has given the perception that “manhood is toxic.” At least part of our “image problem” probably stems from our not exercising what Hubbard highlighted. But what can we expect when we ignore the warnings and instructions that the book of Proverbs so diligently proclaims?
Dr. Clinton was being interviewed, and in an answer to a question about masculinity, he reminded me of an interaction David had with Solomon just before David passed away. It is at the beginning of 1 Kings 2 where David calls his son to “be strong, and show yourself a man” (1 Kings 2:2b, ESV). Yes, it is a father to a son, but it is also very much man to man. Dr. Clinton describes that moment this way:
The focus is more on character… on being a man after God’s own heart—to do His will. To me, there is no room for a culture of sexism or toxic behavior in true biblical masculinity. Make no mistake, Jesus was masculine in the traditional sense. Yet He was compassionate and sensitive to the pains of those around Him… [and] is the ultimate example of biblical masculinity.
Dr. Tim Clinton
Men beget men, males beget males. As single or married men, our responsibility is to pass on the wisdom of Proverbs through our relationships with other males in the hope that they would become a man. There probably isn’t a better way of reclaiming masculinity than this.
There are a number of passages that specifically describe the characteristics of what it means to be a godly husband. However, I don’t believe those should just be relegated to the role of a husband. They, like Proverbs 31, actually speak to both husbandry as well as the broad influence of a godly man, which, should be understood early in a male’s life and exercised consistently.
The Word on Wisdom
A devotional guide to understanding wisdom from select passages of God’s Word.
This select list of Old Testament scriptures on wisdom will aid you in your pursuit of understanding and applying wisdom in all things: mind, body, and soul.
[The Old Testament Edition does not include Proverbs. Proverbs will eventually be sold separately.]
___
Further reading:
The Proverbs 31 man
What true masculinity looks like
Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash